Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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