Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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