we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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