Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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