Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
