I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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