Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
