we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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