There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
