We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
