There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
