You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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