Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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