You're so nebulous sometimes
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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