I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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