Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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