My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
