There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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