Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
