Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
