people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
