Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
