im having a threesome with these popsicles
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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