I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
