Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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