the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
