You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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