I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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