Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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