I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
