someone threw a dead crab at me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
