maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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