He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Less talking, more tequila
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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