If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
