so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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