Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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