The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i drank out of a bidet.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
