? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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