whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It was confusing and full of hummus
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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