he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you had me at cake vodka
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
