i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
