cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
