Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
