I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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