look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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