I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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