I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
