I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
