That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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