did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
