Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
