My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
