Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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