OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
