i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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