Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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