bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Even my vagina gasped.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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