dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
