My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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