There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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