I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
