I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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