All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
