I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
