I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
