Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
