Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
