he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
