Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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