Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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