Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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