Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
