he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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