I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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