Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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