wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
