i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
