i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
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